Saint Bill

By : Jim Pinto,
San Diego, CA.

Published in UPSIDE April '98 (March 06, 1998)

"Thanks for seeing me, dear God!"
Said Bill Gates with a nod,
"Do you mind if we chat for a while?
That Lucifer chap
Has me in a trap,
Now I need You to help reconcile."
    In His wisdom, God felt
    As before Him Bill knelt
    That the young man had no avarice.
    Bill seemed gentle and mild,
    God looked down and smiled,
    "Now let's see how you get out of this.... "
"You know Windows--and DOS--
Was a smooth double-cross.
The devil, he didn't help much.
Though Mac was the best!"
Bill humbly confessed,
"I wish You had helped just a touch."
    "You did not ask for help
    Now it's too late to yelp!"
    Said the Lord, "So why ask me now?
    I helped Unix and C
    With the best pedigree,
    And you ripped those off too, anyhow!"
Young Billy was slick
As he showed his next trick,
"But look at the good deeds I've done!
The world now has NT
And Explorer is free!
Will you let Satan spoil all the fun?"
    The Lord smiled at the lad--
    He wasn't half-bad--
    "Bill, good isn't just writing code!
    And a lot of your stuff
    Is really quite rough,
    Which the devil tries hard to unload."
Billy pleaded, "But how
Can I work with You now?
My links with the ghoul I repent!
I'll let Netscape play,
Stop Apple's decay,
And help Steve Jobs look competent!
    "Give Java Your blessing!
    With no more transgressing
    I'll make it work well with Explorer.
    It's true that I'm rich,
    But that's just something which
    Comes with the job--why be poorer?
"Larry's just jealous
And Scott's overzealous,
But I'll screw up to boost all their claims.
If IBM is a problem
Then I'll simply gobble 'em
And force Intel to go to mainframes!
    "This monopoly stuff
    Is simple enough--
    I'll pay Justice their million a day!
    I'll simply inflate
    Price on Win 98
    By just five bucks to make it all pay!
"I'll get on the stick
With toned-down rhetoric,
And stop being arrogant and snooty.
I'll be gentler and kinder,
Heed the Justice reminder.
I promise to keep doing my duty!
    "The WebTV thing
    Was meant just to sing
    Your praises in all of the media.
    Taking over the church
    Was simply a search
    For ways to help those who are needier!
"I'll include a prayer
In Windows everywhere
Your glory to loudly proclaim!
Ted Turner gave away
A billion they say--
I'll give ten billion bucks in Your name!"
    God looked down and smiled
    On His babbling child,
    "Bill, sainthood is not just a con.
    Stop being so smart
    Look in your own heart. ... "
    He gently touched Bill--and was gone.

Read the 'pre-quel' - Bill Gates and the devil Read the 'pre-quel', You are Rich, Brother William

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